Just ask the question, come untie the knot.

Once again, I have given myself a day off because I'm miserable.
Once again, I am miserable after a depressing night out.
Unfortunately, the presence of alcohol in my bloodstream just makes me notice even more how alone I am, and how no one is attracted to me. I've got that feeling that I'd feel even more alone in a room full of people.
I haven't seen Chris since Monday, and won't get to see him again until next Monday. I miss him, and I miss having someone to talk to. I sort of feel like something's missing.
A new person moved into his room on Tuesday. His name is Gavin and he's not been particularly sociable yet. He's always in his room with the door shut. Or out with his friends.
I phoned Thomas the other day, for the first time ever. It was pretty much the most rubbish phone call ever. Felt like he was just taking the piss. It's a shame that me and Thomas seem to have drifted apart, because we used to get on so well.
I need to go and hand in my assignment. And go down to the shop to buy milk and bread and stuff. I'm severely running out of food.
Me and Hana reckon we'll make a casserole on Sunday. She wants to put pumpkin in it to make it all Halloweeny. I suppose that's kind of interesting.

I'm far too aware of how alone I am.

Sweet dreams.

I'm ever so tired. And very drunk.
So, went on a night out, thoroughly enjoyed myself, didn't have a care in the world.
Came back, couldn't stop thinking about how Chris has left, and then to top it all off, Hayley fell asleep on Martin's shoulder, so Martin started like, rubbing his face on her hair in a really lovey way.
And Hana's shagging Arthur in her room.
And then there's me. And I've got no one.
I hate life.
I really, really fucking hate life.

At your best when I'm making baby steps

I've been at uni for nearly 4 weeks. Riley 104. Hana, Ellie, Martin, Me, Hayley, and Chris. In that order.
I was supposed to go in for lectures today, but I went out last night and suddenly started feeling all miserable after a few drinks. Consequently, I was too stressed to sleep last night, so I've woken up in a terrible mood, deprived of sleep. I want to go and sit with Martin but he knows I'm supposed to be in lectures and I feel a bit silly saying I didn't go to lectures because I'm in a bad mood.
I don't even know why I'm in a bad mood. I just feel really low. Really really low. And it makes me feel absolutely pathetic, all cooped up in my room. And I can't sleep. And I'm hungry but I don't want to eat.
I need someone to talk to. But there isn't anyone.
Chris said I can talk to him if I need him, but I think he only said that because I said I'm here for him if he needs me, and it seems silly to tell him I'm miserable for no reason when he's got homesickness. I just sound like a silly child.
I feel so horrendously ridiculous.