So not a lot happened last week. Well. Yeah.
Monday was ska night down at the SU. Went down there with Jess and got a few drinks in. Talked to Lou a bit as well, which was nice. There was a raffle, from which I won a free large pizza from Dominos. We'll come back to that later. Spent a fair bit of time talking to Robbie as well, stole his hat for a little while. I told Jess about the texts I'd gotten from Peachy, and she definitely wasn't impressed. She basically told me to tell him to fuck off, and I said I'd leave it, since I didn't think he'd say anything about it again. But we'll come back to that later too.
Tuesday was just another day. Showed around the last of the prospective students. The usual.
We were supposed to be setting up the Atrium for the 3rd year's awards evening from 11am on Wednesday, but I went down there and no one else was there. So I dithered outside, only to find Micie and Alex smoking outside the library. I stopped and talked to them for a bit, nothing desperately interesting was said. Alex didn't say anything to me, except for when he was walking away, he asked me if I was going to be out tonight, and I said I was. I left and went back to the Atrium at about 2ish, got some decorating done. I swear, at one point, when we were setting up the photography studio, Kenresa and Sam BobbyB were talking about me. They were talking very quietly and kept looking over at me, so...that was kind of a giveaway. I don't know. I left to get ready, anyway, and went back at 6. The filming stuff was pretty boring, but the 3rd year's final major projects were really good, they all looked professional. I'm proud of them.
Ben, 3rd year Ed&Ad, was there, looking beautiful. It was difficult to tearrrr my eyes away from him at times. Laura and I left early, simply because I wanted to get changed before Boogie and I needed to re-do my make up and all sorts. We got a bit merry before we left, got merrier while we were there. It was a surprisingly uneventful Boogie, from what I remember. I saw Alex, with Micie hanging off him. I hugged him but he pulled away a bit quick, which kind of put me in a bad mood. Ben tried to pull me, I was too sober to dance, he moved onto someone more willing. I kissed Mark, briefly, bit cheeky. I kissed Phi as well. That was naughty. I spent a while talking to Lou later in the night. I told him I was knackered and wanted to go to bed, so he said he wanted to go too, and I said I'd meet him outside once I'd said bye to everyone. So I found Alex near the bar with Sam BobbyB. Sam walked off for a second, and Alex saw me coming so he waited. I opened my mouth to say I was leaving, and Sam literally dragged him over to the dancefloor. I was pretty unimpressed, but I went over to the dancefloor, found Alex and told him I was leaving. He complained about my attitude, I apologised and asked him if he was going to be at Props. He said he would, so I said I'd see him tomorrow. Then I left, got my jacket, and went outside. I was just about to tell Lou that I was ready to go, when I heard Jess behind me. She was a bit teary, and asked me to go back inside with her, which I did. She said she saw Tristan trying to get with some other girl, which turned out to be Ellie. Boogie finished and we both went outside, and I saw Ellie and asked if she got with Tristan - she denied it. Jess and I sat on the steps for a little while, we both got a little bit teary over something or other. We were actually really quite teary. Nem and Jo came and sat with us, gave us a bit of a pat to make us feel better. And then Alex came out of Boogie, with Micie, they stood for a little bit, and then they walked off together. Jess noticed this and gave me a big cuddle, knowing how it'd make me feel.
We decided it was time to go, so we walked up to the taxis and I told Jo about the whole Alex/Micie thing on the way. She said she never liked Micie, there always seemed something off about her, but she figured I was lovely. I was really quite touched by this. We went at sat round Nem's for a bit when we got in, and Micie texted Jess asking if she could let her in because she didn't have a card. A couple of minutes later, Micie texted again, saying to never mind because she was "staying at a friend's". Meaning, she was going to sleep at Alex's. So I told Jess I wanted to leave, and we did. We said bye to Martyn first, who offered a very comforting cuddle first.
I went straight to bed once I got in. Texted Daisy briefly to tell her to film without me first. Slept til 10, lazed about all day. At about 5, Jess and I went to town to get my free pizza. Unfortunately, it started pissing it down as soon as we left campus, and didn't stop til we were nearly in town. Piss take much? We went to Primark briefly, and then went and bought our pizza. We had a good natter whilst waiting for it to be made, and Tristan texted Jess. He said he was sorry he didn't talk to her more, and explained that "some girl" was trying to get with him all night but he wasn't feeling it. He then said he'd like to see her, and he was working at the Frog that night. So we arranged plans so that we could go to the Frog before Props.
So we went home, showered, got dressed, went to the SU. Hopped in a taxi and spent about half an hour at the Frog. Not a lot happened, we got a drink down and left, pretty much. Props wasn't desperately exciting at first, I was very sober, which wasn't so much fun. Just as Jess was going out for a fag, I spotted Cat, Charlie and Laura, so I stuck with them and threw back a few Jagerbombs. I spotted Ross, went over and said hi, and the biggest hug ever ensued. It was very nice, I said I'd see him later. Which I did, we had a dance and it was fun. He then managed to cut his eyebrow open when someone moshed him into the wall, and he left with blood streaming down his face.
Alex never turned up, he went to the Red Bull party instead. Nevertheless, with Cassie overwhelmed at winning the election, we had a bloody awesome night. Jess shared a fag with me outside and the nicotine rush was absolutely beautiful, and so she promised me a rollie after we left. And she made me a rollie, and I smoked it, and I felt damn good. If the holidays hadn't just started, I would've bought myself some social-smoking supplies. We walked to Turkish, where Jess and I bought some chicken and chips and shared it classily on the floor outside. Then we walked back to campus with Tom, Laura, Olwen and Ryan, and Jess came round to mine for a bit. Peachy had sent me a message while we were out, asking me to go round to his because he "wanted some", and I showed Jess. She sent him a message back, saying it was her and they needed to talk. Then she left, and I went to bed. I spent 9-2 the next day editing.
And then I came home on Saturday. I was supposed to go out with the guys to Gatecrasher that night but I was too knackered, so I told them I was ill. I'm seeing them all tomorrow though, so it's all good. I've just been lazing since I've been home. I've enjoyed it. I miss uni though, I miss Jess and everyone. I miss Alex, so much. I really do. I just want to see him again. Kiss him. Eughhhh.
Heaven knows it's high time.
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Monday, 22 March 2010
None of it was ever worth the risk
I think I might have a problem. Solely because I saw Alex out of my bedroom window, and my immediate response was to pour myself a strong drink.
But you are the only exception.
But you are the only exception.
Friday, 12 March 2010
You hold me down
Right. Well. It's been a very long time since I've posted.
It's been an eventful week.
Went to Boogieboogie, as usual, on Wednesday. It was Robbie and Chaz's birthday thing, so pretty much everyone went. It was mostly very very average, nothing desperately notable happened for most of the night. There was a guy there, who I believe is named Joshua, who is always giving me the eye at Boogie, who decided a bit of sexydancing was necessary, and then proceeded to kiss me, right there on the dance floor. This was met by everyone I know screaming "woo" at me. It was very funny.
A little later on, I saw Sam BobbyB and asked him where Alex was. He said he was at home, and when I asked him to tell Alex to come to Boogie, he argued that he's not a messenger, and instead gave me Alex's number. So, I texted Alex and asked him if he was coming to Boogie, and he told me that he wasn't because he was working. I managed to persuade him to go to Props the following night, though, so it wasn't a total loss.
As Boogie kicked out, Tim came over and said, "You're Becky, right?". I said I was, and asked if he was Isobel's boyfriend. He said he's not, but he was, and they're kind of seeing each other. We chatted for a little while, and ended up hanging out a little bit outside once everyone else had left (excluding Laura and some boy she was talking to, and Cat and Rory, who I pulled for her earlier in the night). Tim explained that he'd seen me around and implied that he was rather attracted to me, which I thought was lovely. Then there was a little bit of kissing. Then we discussed how we felt bad about kissing, because of Isobel and how things were still sort of going on with her and Tim. For some reason, this seemed to be like, kissing viagra, and there was much more kissing. I'm a little bit ashamed of myself, because he's been talking to me a lot and he's a lovely, lovely boy, and he is a bit pretty, but I'm sort of...otherwise engaged, I guess. Anyway, Laura, Cat and I all got a taxi back together.
We were supposed to be filming for our drama on Thursday morning, but due to Jason and Raohan not being dressed quite as we needed them to be, we ended up just doing more test shoots, which I wasn't desperately pleased with, but...what can you do?
So Jess and I went to Props last night. Rich and Sam tagged along after they realised Dakota was a waste of time. In a discussion outside, Rich and I agreed that he shall call me B, which I loved, and he bought me a drink a little later on.
The whole Alex situation was rather interesting that evening. We spent a lot of time outside in the smoking area together, just talking. We kissed for a little while, and he told me I didn't want to be doing that, because he had baggage he had to tell me about in private. We went back inside and danced and the evening carried on as you'd expect it to. When Props ended, Jess went off to a party, which left me with Alex, Micie and Alex's friend Ali. We all walked back into town; Micie and Ali were a few paces ahead of Alex and I. I went to hold Alex's hand, but he said Micie would make too much of an issue about it if she saw, and insisted I link arms with him instead. He told me that he'd like me to go back home with him, but he didn't want Micie to make a fuss about it. So I ended up walking back from town by myself. At 3:30am. In the rain. I wasn't impressed.
Some time during Friday afternoon, Alex came on Facebook chat briefly. He told me that he'd come up to uni to do some work in the Graphics studio, but he popped into the library to talk to me quickly, which I thought was adorable. He told me that he had an awesome time on Thursday night, and that he wanted me to go down to the SU to see him on Friday night. Of course, I did go down to the SU that night. Jess and I just hung out with Aaron and Cloey and that lot for most of the night, and went over to see Alex, Micie and his mates when everyone else left at closing time. Alex and gang were intending to go to Boogie Lounge, and we all stood outside the SU for a little while. Jess and I decided it was bed time, and Jess hugged Alex. He got so involved in this hug, and then the man-rape with his mates that followed, that the didn't seem to notice when I left without saying anything.
I don't believe anything interesting happened last week until Boogie on Wednesday. I don't know. It was too long ago to remember. Proof I need to blog more often, clearly.
Anyway, Boogie Wednesday. It was also St. Patrick's day, so everyone was getting heavily pissed up. Sabrina, Hayley, Martin and I all sat in Hayley's room playing card games and getting a bit tipsy before we headed out. We went on chatroulette a little bit, which was relatively interesting. Got to Boogie, did lots of drinking and dancing and so on. The usual. Martin left really early because he was bored. Spent a bit of time with Hayley, Sabrina and Charlie, until Sabrina and Hayley decided to leave. Went for a bit of a dance with anyone I could find, then, and ended up getting my arse squeezed by Peachy. Alex turned up really late, he said he'd been working at the SU and only came to Boogie 'cause I'd texted him saying I wanted him to go. How sweet.
We talked at the bar for a bit, where he told me he was being really nice to Micie in order to blag free drinks off her. Hilarious. We danced a bit. Boogie finished and we went outside and talked for a while. He, once again, mentioned his baggage, but wouldn't tell me what it was. He said that he wanted to invite me back to his, but Micie had his coat and work stuff, so he had to wait for her, and he got pretty annoyed about that. There was a lot of kissing, obviously, and then he told me to go because he was getting worried about me walking home alone. So I left, and I walked up to Turkish, where I got a taxi back with Charlie.
I'd said I'd do some flyering for No Regrets on Thursday, so spent the majority of the day outside the racecourse giving flyers for tattoos to old men. It wasn't so bad, and I earnt myself £30. I walked to town and back 3 or 4 times that day, as well, and on top of the hangover from the night before, I was positively knackered by the time I got in. I was quite glad there was no Props that night, as I would've been so far from in the mood for it.
We went out filming on Friday morning, and the walk back from town only emphasised my leg pain from the previous day. I ate lunch and had the entire intention to nap and not move for the rest of the day. Just as I'd made myself a cup of coffee, Jess texted me and told me that she was in the SU with Alex and Micie getting drunk, and that I should go down there too. I did, and at first, I sat with Lou for a little while and had a good chat with him and Zoe. Zoe ended up basically raping Lou, so I went and sat with Jess instead. I got rather tipsy, despite it being about 3pm, and Alex was getting over-excited about the bets he'd placed on some horses - which earnt him £13. As the SU shut at 4pm, I called him over and he stood behind me, his face next to mine. I asked him when he'd be in the SU later, and he said he'd be there at about 8, and added that my boobs looked massive from that angle. He then gave me a kiss on the cheek, told me he'd see me later, and walked off. Then he came back, and asked me for a good luck kiss for the next race, so I kissed him on the cheek and he walked off. Jess and I had already agreed that we'd go to Nando's, and then to see Thrill Collins play in the Brewery so she could see Tristan, but what with Micie working at Boogie that night, I was desperate to see Alex alone. So we agreed we'd go to the SU instead, since she was supposed to be seeing Tristan on Saturday night anyway.
It turned out that Jess had to go flyering that night anyway, so she couldn't make it to the SU. This left me with two options: Go to the SU alone, or don't go at all. I wasn't going to miss out on seeing Alex without Micie, so I braved it alone. I bought myself a pint, talked to Cassie for a while, and then went to sit with Jason, Tim and their friend Sam. I spent most of the night sitting with them, though I did pop over and see Alex a few times, had a quick chat with Aaron at the bar, and sat with Hayley W and Amy for a little bit. As the SU was shutting, everyone left, bar those playing poker, and a few others - Kenresa, Sam BobbyB and his girlfriend Kat. I sort of dithered around with them for a little while, until we all left, and Alex, Sam and I went over to Cardew, where Amy said they'd be having a little party, of sorts. Nothing exciting was going on there, there was hardly anyone there. Alex said he was going out for a smoke, and I went out with him. He told me I should go to Boogie with him, Sam and Chaz, but I said I wasn't sure because I was tired. I went to kiss him, and he kind of avoided it and said he didn't want to hurt me. I told him he wouldn't hurt me, and after he kissed me, he said he'd explain it all to me.
He said that when he was a fresher, he had a girlfriend back home. She'd been cheating on him with about 10 other guys, but two weeks after he'd been here, she said she was pregnant. He told her that he wasn't prepared to have a baby, but she said she was having it anyway. They broke up, and she had the baby. He said he's seen the baby once, when it was dumped on his lap by someone else at a pub beer garden. He doesn't know if it's his, and he's getting a DNA test done to find out.
He then said that he got with Imogen a while after that, and things didn't quite work out because he dicked her around. He said that he doesn't trust women because of everything that's happened, and he sees all women as objects. He added that he doesn't want a relationship, and said once again, that he doesn't want to hurt me, and that's why he's been doing a few things to push me away. He said he still wants to be friends because I'm "fucking awesome", and told me to go home and sleep. Which I did, after bawling my eyes out for a long, long time.
He sent me a Facebook message on Saturday afternoon at about half 1, really awkwardly saying he hopes I'm okay and asking if we're still cool. I said of course we're cool, and asked if he wanted to come round when he was done in the library so we could talk things through when we weren't drunk. He said maybe, he had a lot of work to do. But he called me at about 4pm, saying he'd come up and we could have a quick chat. So he came round, and the first 10 minutes or so were really, really uncomfortable. We tried to talk about it, and he just said he was hesitant about anything happening between us in case he hurt me. He used the example of, what if he slept with me one week, and then slept with someone else the next? I simply said "But what if you don't hurt me?". He didn't have an answer for that. He then said that he's seeing a pattern with girls, in that Imogen didn't like Micie before anything was going on with Alex, and Micie didn't like me before anything happened between me and him, and that that must mean something bad. I said that it's more likely that Micie is the bad-news factor. He said she can't be, because everyone likes her, even Jess. I explained that she was supposed to be living with Jess next year, but Jess backed out because she couldn't stand the thought of being around Micie all the time. I told him about how everyone's said she's been bitching about me since September.
His response to this was to lie on my bed and say he's going to sleep. So he laid there with his eyes shut, and despite my attempts to move him, nothing worked. So I sat down beside him, and then he "woke up". I leaned down and kissed him, and he told me to think about it before I did that again. I just kissed him again. And there was lots of kissing, until I ended up on top of him and he had one hand on my arse. He complained that I'd decided to do this when he was "at his horniest". He said he needed to think about things, and that me kissing him was making it difficult. So I got off him, and he sat up. I sat next to him and he kind of leaned on me and held my hand, and I put my other arm around him and stroked his cheek. We sat like that for a minute or two, not saying a word. And then he got up, we hugged, and he left, saying he'd talk to me on Facebook.
My appetite left on Saturday morning, and it still hasn't come back entirely. I'm too nervous about the whole situation. It's not a bad thing, though; losing my appetite along with all the walking on Thursday is making me feel quite thin.
And that, on top of the text Peachy sent me last night, saying he'd love to see me naked - despite the fact that he has a girlfriend - is making me feel pretty good about myself. Which is exactly what I need, when the boy I've set my sights on is certain he wouldn't be happy only sexing me.
Ridiculous.
By keeping me around.
It's been an eventful week.
Went to Boogieboogie, as usual, on Wednesday. It was Robbie and Chaz's birthday thing, so pretty much everyone went. It was mostly very very average, nothing desperately notable happened for most of the night. There was a guy there, who I believe is named Joshua, who is always giving me the eye at Boogie, who decided a bit of sexydancing was necessary, and then proceeded to kiss me, right there on the dance floor. This was met by everyone I know screaming "woo" at me. It was very funny.
A little later on, I saw Sam BobbyB and asked him where Alex was. He said he was at home, and when I asked him to tell Alex to come to Boogie, he argued that he's not a messenger, and instead gave me Alex's number. So, I texted Alex and asked him if he was coming to Boogie, and he told me that he wasn't because he was working. I managed to persuade him to go to Props the following night, though, so it wasn't a total loss.
As Boogie kicked out, Tim came over and said, "You're Becky, right?". I said I was, and asked if he was Isobel's boyfriend. He said he's not, but he was, and they're kind of seeing each other. We chatted for a little while, and ended up hanging out a little bit outside once everyone else had left (excluding Laura and some boy she was talking to, and Cat and Rory, who I pulled for her earlier in the night). Tim explained that he'd seen me around and implied that he was rather attracted to me, which I thought was lovely. Then there was a little bit of kissing. Then we discussed how we felt bad about kissing, because of Isobel and how things were still sort of going on with her and Tim. For some reason, this seemed to be like, kissing viagra, and there was much more kissing. I'm a little bit ashamed of myself, because he's been talking to me a lot and he's a lovely, lovely boy, and he is a bit pretty, but I'm sort of...otherwise engaged, I guess. Anyway, Laura, Cat and I all got a taxi back together.
We were supposed to be filming for our drama on Thursday morning, but due to Jason and Raohan not being dressed quite as we needed them to be, we ended up just doing more test shoots, which I wasn't desperately pleased with, but...what can you do?
So Jess and I went to Props last night. Rich and Sam tagged along after they realised Dakota was a waste of time. In a discussion outside, Rich and I agreed that he shall call me B, which I loved, and he bought me a drink a little later on.
The whole Alex situation was rather interesting that evening. We spent a lot of time outside in the smoking area together, just talking. We kissed for a little while, and he told me I didn't want to be doing that, because he had baggage he had to tell me about in private. We went back inside and danced and the evening carried on as you'd expect it to. When Props ended, Jess went off to a party, which left me with Alex, Micie and Alex's friend Ali. We all walked back into town; Micie and Ali were a few paces ahead of Alex and I. I went to hold Alex's hand, but he said Micie would make too much of an issue about it if she saw, and insisted I link arms with him instead. He told me that he'd like me to go back home with him, but he didn't want Micie to make a fuss about it. So I ended up walking back from town by myself. At 3:30am. In the rain. I wasn't impressed.
Some time during Friday afternoon, Alex came on Facebook chat briefly. He told me that he'd come up to uni to do some work in the Graphics studio, but he popped into the library to talk to me quickly, which I thought was adorable. He told me that he had an awesome time on Thursday night, and that he wanted me to go down to the SU to see him on Friday night. Of course, I did go down to the SU that night. Jess and I just hung out with Aaron and Cloey and that lot for most of the night, and went over to see Alex, Micie and his mates when everyone else left at closing time. Alex and gang were intending to go to Boogie Lounge, and we all stood outside the SU for a little while. Jess and I decided it was bed time, and Jess hugged Alex. He got so involved in this hug, and then the man-rape with his mates that followed, that the didn't seem to notice when I left without saying anything.
I don't believe anything interesting happened last week until Boogie on Wednesday. I don't know. It was too long ago to remember. Proof I need to blog more often, clearly.
Anyway, Boogie Wednesday. It was also St. Patrick's day, so everyone was getting heavily pissed up. Sabrina, Hayley, Martin and I all sat in Hayley's room playing card games and getting a bit tipsy before we headed out. We went on chatroulette a little bit, which was relatively interesting. Got to Boogie, did lots of drinking and dancing and so on. The usual. Martin left really early because he was bored. Spent a bit of time with Hayley, Sabrina and Charlie, until Sabrina and Hayley decided to leave. Went for a bit of a dance with anyone I could find, then, and ended up getting my arse squeezed by Peachy. Alex turned up really late, he said he'd been working at the SU and only came to Boogie 'cause I'd texted him saying I wanted him to go. How sweet.
We talked at the bar for a bit, where he told me he was being really nice to Micie in order to blag free drinks off her. Hilarious. We danced a bit. Boogie finished and we went outside and talked for a while. He, once again, mentioned his baggage, but wouldn't tell me what it was. He said that he wanted to invite me back to his, but Micie had his coat and work stuff, so he had to wait for her, and he got pretty annoyed about that. There was a lot of kissing, obviously, and then he told me to go because he was getting worried about me walking home alone. So I left, and I walked up to Turkish, where I got a taxi back with Charlie.
I'd said I'd do some flyering for No Regrets on Thursday, so spent the majority of the day outside the racecourse giving flyers for tattoos to old men. It wasn't so bad, and I earnt myself £30. I walked to town and back 3 or 4 times that day, as well, and on top of the hangover from the night before, I was positively knackered by the time I got in. I was quite glad there was no Props that night, as I would've been so far from in the mood for it.
We went out filming on Friday morning, and the walk back from town only emphasised my leg pain from the previous day. I ate lunch and had the entire intention to nap and not move for the rest of the day. Just as I'd made myself a cup of coffee, Jess texted me and told me that she was in the SU with Alex and Micie getting drunk, and that I should go down there too. I did, and at first, I sat with Lou for a little while and had a good chat with him and Zoe. Zoe ended up basically raping Lou, so I went and sat with Jess instead. I got rather tipsy, despite it being about 3pm, and Alex was getting over-excited about the bets he'd placed on some horses - which earnt him £13. As the SU shut at 4pm, I called him over and he stood behind me, his face next to mine. I asked him when he'd be in the SU later, and he said he'd be there at about 8, and added that my boobs looked massive from that angle. He then gave me a kiss on the cheek, told me he'd see me later, and walked off. Then he came back, and asked me for a good luck kiss for the next race, so I kissed him on the cheek and he walked off. Jess and I had already agreed that we'd go to Nando's, and then to see Thrill Collins play in the Brewery so she could see Tristan, but what with Micie working at Boogie that night, I was desperate to see Alex alone. So we agreed we'd go to the SU instead, since she was supposed to be seeing Tristan on Saturday night anyway.
It turned out that Jess had to go flyering that night anyway, so she couldn't make it to the SU. This left me with two options: Go to the SU alone, or don't go at all. I wasn't going to miss out on seeing Alex without Micie, so I braved it alone. I bought myself a pint, talked to Cassie for a while, and then went to sit with Jason, Tim and their friend Sam. I spent most of the night sitting with them, though I did pop over and see Alex a few times, had a quick chat with Aaron at the bar, and sat with Hayley W and Amy for a little bit. As the SU was shutting, everyone left, bar those playing poker, and a few others - Kenresa, Sam BobbyB and his girlfriend Kat. I sort of dithered around with them for a little while, until we all left, and Alex, Sam and I went over to Cardew, where Amy said they'd be having a little party, of sorts. Nothing exciting was going on there, there was hardly anyone there. Alex said he was going out for a smoke, and I went out with him. He told me I should go to Boogie with him, Sam and Chaz, but I said I wasn't sure because I was tired. I went to kiss him, and he kind of avoided it and said he didn't want to hurt me. I told him he wouldn't hurt me, and after he kissed me, he said he'd explain it all to me.
He said that when he was a fresher, he had a girlfriend back home. She'd been cheating on him with about 10 other guys, but two weeks after he'd been here, she said she was pregnant. He told her that he wasn't prepared to have a baby, but she said she was having it anyway. They broke up, and she had the baby. He said he's seen the baby once, when it was dumped on his lap by someone else at a pub beer garden. He doesn't know if it's his, and he's getting a DNA test done to find out.
He then said that he got with Imogen a while after that, and things didn't quite work out because he dicked her around. He said that he doesn't trust women because of everything that's happened, and he sees all women as objects. He added that he doesn't want a relationship, and said once again, that he doesn't want to hurt me, and that's why he's been doing a few things to push me away. He said he still wants to be friends because I'm "fucking awesome", and told me to go home and sleep. Which I did, after bawling my eyes out for a long, long time.
He sent me a Facebook message on Saturday afternoon at about half 1, really awkwardly saying he hopes I'm okay and asking if we're still cool. I said of course we're cool, and asked if he wanted to come round when he was done in the library so we could talk things through when we weren't drunk. He said maybe, he had a lot of work to do. But he called me at about 4pm, saying he'd come up and we could have a quick chat. So he came round, and the first 10 minutes or so were really, really uncomfortable. We tried to talk about it, and he just said he was hesitant about anything happening between us in case he hurt me. He used the example of, what if he slept with me one week, and then slept with someone else the next? I simply said "But what if you don't hurt me?". He didn't have an answer for that. He then said that he's seeing a pattern with girls, in that Imogen didn't like Micie before anything was going on with Alex, and Micie didn't like me before anything happened between me and him, and that that must mean something bad. I said that it's more likely that Micie is the bad-news factor. He said she can't be, because everyone likes her, even Jess. I explained that she was supposed to be living with Jess next year, but Jess backed out because she couldn't stand the thought of being around Micie all the time. I told him about how everyone's said she's been bitching about me since September.
His response to this was to lie on my bed and say he's going to sleep. So he laid there with his eyes shut, and despite my attempts to move him, nothing worked. So I sat down beside him, and then he "woke up". I leaned down and kissed him, and he told me to think about it before I did that again. I just kissed him again. And there was lots of kissing, until I ended up on top of him and he had one hand on my arse. He complained that I'd decided to do this when he was "at his horniest". He said he needed to think about things, and that me kissing him was making it difficult. So I got off him, and he sat up. I sat next to him and he kind of leaned on me and held my hand, and I put my other arm around him and stroked his cheek. We sat like that for a minute or two, not saying a word. And then he got up, we hugged, and he left, saying he'd talk to me on Facebook.
My appetite left on Saturday morning, and it still hasn't come back entirely. I'm too nervous about the whole situation. It's not a bad thing, though; losing my appetite along with all the walking on Thursday is making me feel quite thin.
And that, on top of the text Peachy sent me last night, saying he'd love to see me naked - despite the fact that he has a girlfriend - is making me feel pretty good about myself. Which is exactly what I need, when the boy I've set my sights on is certain he wouldn't be happy only sexing me.
Ridiculous.
By keeping me around.
Friday, 5 March 2010
I don't know who you are
It's been an awful long time since I last posted here.
I've been drinking so much that it's almost difficult to figure out what I need to post about.
I can't remember what happened at Boogie the day after my last post. It can't have been that exciting.
Either way, at some point over the past few weeks, Laura and I decided to venture to Propaganda for once, for a change of scenery. We met Cat and Charlie there, who we spent the entire night with on the metal floor - which was fantastic. Laura pulled some boy who was not-too-bad looking. I, however, did nothing other than talk to Alex outside afterwards. He was with Ross, and Micie, who looked unimpressed that I was talking to her "friend". I added Alex on Facebook when I got home, I don't think we even talked for a while. I can't remember when I even saw him next after that.
Time's been going so fast and I can't keep track of what's happening when.
Turns out that Alex is a good friend of Kenresa's, and so whenever Kenresa's about, Alex is too. So, last week at Boogie, I hung out with all three of them for a bit, ended up with Ross' tie, walked home alone. One of Jonny D's friends, Bertie, found me moping on the stairs at about 4am, and kept me company. Kissed me. Ended up falling asleep with my in my room at 7:30am. Nothing exciting happened. Mere kissing.
The following Saturday was a Tone Radio fundraiser over at Park campus, which I went to with Jess. Alex was there, and so we spent a lot of time with him and Kenresa. He complimented my shoes. When we were all inside, gathered around a table, I was sort of leaning against his chair, which lead to me sitting on the chair between his legs. I squeezed his knee a little bit, and he responded by squeezing me with his legs. It was kinda cute. I gave him my scarf as we were leaving, just tied it round his neck. Apparently, Ross wasn't pleased about this because I have his tie. Jess and I got the taxi back with Alex, Kenresa and Estelle. Alex sat in front of me, and I held his hand sneakily the entire drive back to Pittville. Jess told me a lot earlier in the night that Alex had been sleeping with Micie for a while, but Alex seemed to have a lot to say against her when she came up in conversation.
Nothing really happened until this week's Boogie, to which I went with Hayley and Martin, for once. We went down to the SU first, where Micie and her friend accosted Martin when Hayley was talking to Jodie. I thought I'd be kind, and save Martin by standing with him. Micie took this as a sign to start talking to me, which she did. She wouldn't stop talking. She told me to add her on Facebook so that she could invite me to her birthday party, but I figured she just wanted to keep an eye on me.
We left to go to Boogie, and spent a long time drinking and dancing. I saw Alex upstairs playing Blackjack, and went over and said hello. We talked very briefly, and then I told him I must be off, and promised to see him later, with a quick kiss on the cheek. More drinking and dancing ensued. Hayley and Martin left relatively early, since Martin had gotten himself horrendously drunk and wanted to go to bed. I have absolutely no idea where I went for the next half hour, but I soon came across Alex, Kenresa, Estelle and Micie. Alex didn't really say a lot to me, and I later said to Kenresa that I thought he was avoiding me. I then let slip that I rather like him, and she hastily went to tell Alex that I thought he was avoiding me. He came over and told me that he wasn't avoiding me, but he'd just had a shit week, so I let him get on with it a bit. We all ended up dancing a bit, and Micie kept really obviously dancing between me and Alex, which was just stupid.
Boogie finished, I got a taxi home with Jess and Naomi and explained the whole Alex thing to them. Jess told me the next day that Micie had called her crying at 5:30am saying that she was going to Bournemouth on Thursday, and didn't want me to get with Alex at Props. Like it's any of her business.
Alex messaged me afterwards, telling me he kept trying to get rid of Micie and she wouldn't leave him alone, and he was disappointed that she kept dancing between us because he really wanted to see more of me.
I didn't go to Props, but it seems that would've been my only ever oppertunity to get hold of Alex without Micie keeping her hawk-eye on me. What's meant to be, I guess.
I spoke to Alex on Facebook on Friday evening, and he said that he was going to be playing poker in the SU later, and asked if I was going to go down there. I told him I would, and asked Jess nicely if she'd come down with me. She did. And the SU was dead, except for those playing poker, and Micie, who was hanging around Alex like she'd die otherwise. Jess and I had a few drinks, and Micie thought it was a good idea to come and talk to us for a bit. She kept talking to me though, specifically me, and even Jess pointed out later that she was talking to me a bit too much. Like she was trying to suss me out.
The SU slowly filled up; Erin came in with some of her friends, Nik, Tom and Steve came in after their radio show, Josh, Kirsty and Cloey and their lot came down as well. Made Jess and I look a bit more popular as we had people to talk to, someone else to sit with. It got later and loads of people left, until only a few of us were left while Alex cleaned up after the poker. I went to the toilets and met Josh outside on the way. We hugged several times, confessed our love for each other, and walked off. Chaz kicked us all out of the SU a few minutes later, and we all walked over to Sayer. Josh invited us all up to his room to watch The Land Before Time. Josh, Jess, Martyn and some girls went up to Josh's room, leaving me, Alex, Micie, Nik and Tom outside. Alex said he wanted to, but made excuses and said he had to go home, started walking away, and Micie followed him. So I wasn't too pleased. I walked back to Riley alone, and sat on the wall outside for about 5 minutes and shed a few tears. Then I decided I didn't want to be alone in my room, and headed back to Sayer, where Martyn was standing by the door talking to Tom and Nik. I went up to Josh's room with Martyn, where Jess came to the door and asked me if I was okay. I said I was, but clearly I wasn't, because I got a bit teary. She told me to go sit in the common room with her, and I sat on her lap and explained that Micie had followed Alex home. I was really very teary at this point, but she calmed me down and we went to watch The Land Before Time.
I left at 1am because of the early morning on Saturday, and sent Alex a message when I got in saying that I thought he wanted to see me, and I was disappointed that he'd gone off with Micie. Half an hour later, I thought I was bossing him about a bit much, so I sent him another one telling him to ignore the previous message and that he could do what he liked. I went to bed, and woke up a few hours later to a longggg message in response. He started it by telling me how cute the messages were, and that he knew how bad it must've looked that Micie followed him home. He assured me that he's firmly told her to piss off, and went into this big long novel about their past and such. He added, in the middle, that at one point during his game of poker, he tried to lose all his chips so that he could come to talk to me, which was adorable. He also said that he wanted to come and watch the film with us, but since Micie was there, he didn't want to cause any drama. He apologised, though.
Bournemouth, though! Martin drove us down there; me, him, Hayley and Hana. We spent loads of time on the beach, we had some fish and chips, went for a coffee, played with the penny machines and all sorts. It was nice to get away from everything, spend time with the Riley lot. Change of scenery. We agreed that we'd do it more often.
It's been hectic. And this was one hell of a blog post. Til next time.
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed.
I've been drinking so much that it's almost difficult to figure out what I need to post about.
I can't remember what happened at Boogie the day after my last post. It can't have been that exciting.
Either way, at some point over the past few weeks, Laura and I decided to venture to Propaganda for once, for a change of scenery. We met Cat and Charlie there, who we spent the entire night with on the metal floor - which was fantastic. Laura pulled some boy who was not-too-bad looking. I, however, did nothing other than talk to Alex outside afterwards. He was with Ross, and Micie, who looked unimpressed that I was talking to her "friend". I added Alex on Facebook when I got home, I don't think we even talked for a while. I can't remember when I even saw him next after that.
Time's been going so fast and I can't keep track of what's happening when.
Turns out that Alex is a good friend of Kenresa's, and so whenever Kenresa's about, Alex is too. So, last week at Boogie, I hung out with all three of them for a bit, ended up with Ross' tie, walked home alone. One of Jonny D's friends, Bertie, found me moping on the stairs at about 4am, and kept me company. Kissed me. Ended up falling asleep with my in my room at 7:30am. Nothing exciting happened. Mere kissing.
The following Saturday was a Tone Radio fundraiser over at Park campus, which I went to with Jess. Alex was there, and so we spent a lot of time with him and Kenresa. He complimented my shoes. When we were all inside, gathered around a table, I was sort of leaning against his chair, which lead to me sitting on the chair between his legs. I squeezed his knee a little bit, and he responded by squeezing me with his legs. It was kinda cute. I gave him my scarf as we were leaving, just tied it round his neck. Apparently, Ross wasn't pleased about this because I have his tie. Jess and I got the taxi back with Alex, Kenresa and Estelle. Alex sat in front of me, and I held his hand sneakily the entire drive back to Pittville. Jess told me a lot earlier in the night that Alex had been sleeping with Micie for a while, but Alex seemed to have a lot to say against her when she came up in conversation.
Nothing really happened until this week's Boogie, to which I went with Hayley and Martin, for once. We went down to the SU first, where Micie and her friend accosted Martin when Hayley was talking to Jodie. I thought I'd be kind, and save Martin by standing with him. Micie took this as a sign to start talking to me, which she did. She wouldn't stop talking. She told me to add her on Facebook so that she could invite me to her birthday party, but I figured she just wanted to keep an eye on me.
We left to go to Boogie, and spent a long time drinking and dancing. I saw Alex upstairs playing Blackjack, and went over and said hello. We talked very briefly, and then I told him I must be off, and promised to see him later, with a quick kiss on the cheek. More drinking and dancing ensued. Hayley and Martin left relatively early, since Martin had gotten himself horrendously drunk and wanted to go to bed. I have absolutely no idea where I went for the next half hour, but I soon came across Alex, Kenresa, Estelle and Micie. Alex didn't really say a lot to me, and I later said to Kenresa that I thought he was avoiding me. I then let slip that I rather like him, and she hastily went to tell Alex that I thought he was avoiding me. He came over and told me that he wasn't avoiding me, but he'd just had a shit week, so I let him get on with it a bit. We all ended up dancing a bit, and Micie kept really obviously dancing between me and Alex, which was just stupid.
Boogie finished, I got a taxi home with Jess and Naomi and explained the whole Alex thing to them. Jess told me the next day that Micie had called her crying at 5:30am saying that she was going to Bournemouth on Thursday, and didn't want me to get with Alex at Props. Like it's any of her business.
Alex messaged me afterwards, telling me he kept trying to get rid of Micie and she wouldn't leave him alone, and he was disappointed that she kept dancing between us because he really wanted to see more of me.
I didn't go to Props, but it seems that would've been my only ever oppertunity to get hold of Alex without Micie keeping her hawk-eye on me. What's meant to be, I guess.
I spoke to Alex on Facebook on Friday evening, and he said that he was going to be playing poker in the SU later, and asked if I was going to go down there. I told him I would, and asked Jess nicely if she'd come down with me. She did. And the SU was dead, except for those playing poker, and Micie, who was hanging around Alex like she'd die otherwise. Jess and I had a few drinks, and Micie thought it was a good idea to come and talk to us for a bit. She kept talking to me though, specifically me, and even Jess pointed out later that she was talking to me a bit too much. Like she was trying to suss me out.
The SU slowly filled up; Erin came in with some of her friends, Nik, Tom and Steve came in after their radio show, Josh, Kirsty and Cloey and their lot came down as well. Made Jess and I look a bit more popular as we had people to talk to, someone else to sit with. It got later and loads of people left, until only a few of us were left while Alex cleaned up after the poker. I went to the toilets and met Josh outside on the way. We hugged several times, confessed our love for each other, and walked off. Chaz kicked us all out of the SU a few minutes later, and we all walked over to Sayer. Josh invited us all up to his room to watch The Land Before Time. Josh, Jess, Martyn and some girls went up to Josh's room, leaving me, Alex, Micie, Nik and Tom outside. Alex said he wanted to, but made excuses and said he had to go home, started walking away, and Micie followed him. So I wasn't too pleased. I walked back to Riley alone, and sat on the wall outside for about 5 minutes and shed a few tears. Then I decided I didn't want to be alone in my room, and headed back to Sayer, where Martyn was standing by the door talking to Tom and Nik. I went up to Josh's room with Martyn, where Jess came to the door and asked me if I was okay. I said I was, but clearly I wasn't, because I got a bit teary. She told me to go sit in the common room with her, and I sat on her lap and explained that Micie had followed Alex home. I was really very teary at this point, but she calmed me down and we went to watch The Land Before Time.
I left at 1am because of the early morning on Saturday, and sent Alex a message when I got in saying that I thought he wanted to see me, and I was disappointed that he'd gone off with Micie. Half an hour later, I thought I was bossing him about a bit much, so I sent him another one telling him to ignore the previous message and that he could do what he liked. I went to bed, and woke up a few hours later to a longggg message in response. He started it by telling me how cute the messages were, and that he knew how bad it must've looked that Micie followed him home. He assured me that he's firmly told her to piss off, and went into this big long novel about their past and such. He added, in the middle, that at one point during his game of poker, he tried to lose all his chips so that he could come to talk to me, which was adorable. He also said that he wanted to come and watch the film with us, but since Micie was there, he didn't want to cause any drama. He apologised, though.
Bournemouth, though! Martin drove us down there; me, him, Hayley and Hana. We spent loads of time on the beach, we had some fish and chips, went for a coffee, played with the penny machines and all sorts. It was nice to get away from everything, spend time with the Riley lot. Change of scenery. We agreed that we'd do it more often.
It's been hectic. And this was one hell of a blog post. Til next time.
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Desperate minds means desperate measures
I feel a little bit ill, but I'm blaming that on a certain time of the month, mixed with eating too many pancakes earlier. I'm absolutely bloody knackered as well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm sick of seeing Hayley and Martin together. They make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I spend most of my time in my room with the door shut now, and I miss hanging out with them but I feel like I'm intruding when I do. I need to get out more. It won't bother me so much then, hopefully.
Did the usual Tuesday routine of showing round prospective TVP students again today. Surprisingly enough, Jake was one of these students. I was pleased to see him. I showed him round. It was nice. Saw Lou a bit today, as well, which was nice, since I haven't seen him in quite a while.
I saw two very attractive boys around uni today. One of which I've never seen before. Passed him on the stairs. Dark hair, good fashion sense, half-sleeve. Beautiful. Laura and I couldn't take our eyes off him. Then there was another one who I've seen once or twice. Sort of blonde, half-sleeve. I saw him out my window yesterday as well. Black skinny jeans, pale blue shirt, grey waistcoat. I nearly said "phwoar". I swear, when I saw him today, that he was checking me out too. Fingers crossed.
That said, I've been feeling particularly lonely lately. I think it's because Hayley and Martin have been locked away together a lot, Lou hasn't been to visit me much, I've seen Arwel with his girlfriend, it's been Valentine's day and I know all the boys I flirt with want me as...just a girl to flirt with. It makes me miss home a lot. I really miss home. There's nothing I'd rather do than give Kirsty a really big cuddle. I miss my little sisters. I miss my mummy and my daddy. I miss Matt but I've kind of gotten used to never seeing him. Cuddling is totally underrated. But I've been feeling so alone lately, I'd do anything for someone to just curl up with me for a little while and forget about the rest of the world. Stroke my hair and make me feel like they want me.
Just for a little while.
You've got to get this one together.
It's gotten to the point that I'm sick of seeing Hayley and Martin together. They make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I spend most of my time in my room with the door shut now, and I miss hanging out with them but I feel like I'm intruding when I do. I need to get out more. It won't bother me so much then, hopefully.
Did the usual Tuesday routine of showing round prospective TVP students again today. Surprisingly enough, Jake was one of these students. I was pleased to see him. I showed him round. It was nice. Saw Lou a bit today, as well, which was nice, since I haven't seen him in quite a while.
I saw two very attractive boys around uni today. One of which I've never seen before. Passed him on the stairs. Dark hair, good fashion sense, half-sleeve. Beautiful. Laura and I couldn't take our eyes off him. Then there was another one who I've seen once or twice. Sort of blonde, half-sleeve. I saw him out my window yesterday as well. Black skinny jeans, pale blue shirt, grey waistcoat. I nearly said "phwoar". I swear, when I saw him today, that he was checking me out too. Fingers crossed.
That said, I've been feeling particularly lonely lately. I think it's because Hayley and Martin have been locked away together a lot, Lou hasn't been to visit me much, I've seen Arwel with his girlfriend, it's been Valentine's day and I know all the boys I flirt with want me as...just a girl to flirt with. It makes me miss home a lot. I really miss home. There's nothing I'd rather do than give Kirsty a really big cuddle. I miss my little sisters. I miss my mummy and my daddy. I miss Matt but I've kind of gotten used to never seeing him. Cuddling is totally underrated. But I've been feeling so alone lately, I'd do anything for someone to just curl up with me for a little while and forget about the rest of the world. Stroke my hair and make me feel like they want me.
Just for a little while.
You've got to get this one together.
Sunday, 14 February 2010
She said, "I'm jealous of Los Angeles"
I just thought, as well, of Arwel. In the SU on Friday, Caragh pointed him out and said she thought he's fit. And I told her that I know, and that he's got the world's most beautiful Welsh accent. I also told her that he has a girlfriend, but I have first dibs on him when he's single.
Realistically, I'm more attracted to him than I am to the large majority of boys. I think I wouldn't be quite so attracted to him if it weren't for that darned accent - it makes me weak at the knees.
And I remembered, I spoke to Aaron and Jack on Facebook chat on Friday night when I got in. Aaron and I didn't talk about much, but he said he was going to "ned", and we made ourselves somewhat of an in-joke about it. He set his Facebook status as "going to ned", and I felt quite touched.
Jack, however, sent me multiple Youtube links to songs he liked. I appreciated this. I feel like we kind of bonded, but like...I don't want to read too much into it because it was just a friendly gesture. It did make me rather happy, though, because it's Jack, and he's beautiful.
She gets to keep you for a month or two.
Realistically, I'm more attracted to him than I am to the large majority of boys. I think I wouldn't be quite so attracted to him if it weren't for that darned accent - it makes me weak at the knees.
And I remembered, I spoke to Aaron and Jack on Facebook chat on Friday night when I got in. Aaron and I didn't talk about much, but he said he was going to "ned", and we made ourselves somewhat of an in-joke about it. He set his Facebook status as "going to ned", and I felt quite touched.
Jack, however, sent me multiple Youtube links to songs he liked. I appreciated this. I feel like we kind of bonded, but like...I don't want to read too much into it because it was just a friendly gesture. It did make me rather happy, though, because it's Jack, and he's beautiful.
She gets to keep you for a month or two.
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