You hold me down

Right. Well. It's been a very long time since I've posted.
It's been an eventful week.
Went to Boogieboogie, as usual, on Wednesday. It was Robbie and Chaz's birthday thing, so pretty much everyone went. It was mostly very very average, nothing desperately notable happened for most of the night. There was a guy there, who I believe is named Joshua, who is always giving me the eye at Boogie, who decided a bit of sexydancing was necessary, and then proceeded to kiss me, right there on the dance floor. This was met by everyone I know screaming "woo" at me. It was very funny.
A little later on, I saw Sam BobbyB and asked him where Alex was. He said he was at home, and when I asked him to tell Alex to come to Boogie, he argued that he's not a messenger, and instead gave me Alex's number. So, I texted Alex and asked him if he was coming to Boogie, and he told me that he wasn't because he was working. I managed to persuade him to go to Props the following night, though, so it wasn't a total loss.
As Boogie kicked out, Tim came over and said, "You're Becky, right?". I said I was, and asked if he was Isobel's boyfriend. He said he's not, but he was, and they're kind of seeing each other. We chatted for a little while, and ended up hanging out a little bit outside once everyone else had left (excluding Laura and some boy she was talking to, and Cat and Rory, who I pulled for her earlier in the night). Tim explained that he'd seen me around and implied that he was rather attracted to me, which I thought was lovely. Then there was a little bit of kissing. Then we discussed how we felt bad about kissing, because of Isobel and how things were still sort of going on with her and Tim. For some reason, this seemed to be like, kissing viagra, and there was much more kissing. I'm a little bit ashamed of myself, because he's been talking to me a lot and he's a lovely, lovely boy, and he is a bit pretty, but I'm sort of...otherwise engaged, I guess. Anyway, Laura, Cat and I all got a taxi back together.
We were supposed to be filming for our drama on Thursday morning, but due to Jason and Raohan not being dressed quite as we needed them to be, we ended up just doing more test shoots, which I wasn't desperately pleased with, but...what can you do?
So Jess and I went to Props last night. Rich and Sam tagged along after they realised Dakota was a waste of time. In a discussion outside, Rich and I agreed that he shall call me B, which I loved, and he bought me a drink a little later on.
The whole Alex situation was rather interesting that evening. We spent a lot of time outside in the smoking area together, just talking. We kissed for a little while, and he told me I didn't want to be doing that, because he had baggage he had to tell me about in private. We went back inside and danced and the evening carried on as you'd expect it to. When Props ended, Jess went off to a party, which left me with Alex, Micie and Alex's friend Ali. We all walked back into town; Micie and Ali were a few paces ahead of Alex and I. I went to hold Alex's hand, but he said Micie would make too much of an issue about it if she saw, and insisted I link arms with him instead. He told me that he'd like me to go back home with him, but he didn't want Micie to make a fuss about it. So I ended up walking back from town by myself. At 3:30am. In the rain. I wasn't impressed.
Some time during Friday afternoon, Alex came on Facebook chat briefly. He told me that he'd come up to uni to do some work in the Graphics studio, but he popped into the library to talk to me quickly, which I thought was adorable. He told me that he had an awesome time on Thursday night, and that he wanted me to go down to the SU to see him on Friday night. Of course, I did go down to the SU that night. Jess and I just hung out with Aaron and Cloey and that lot for most of the night, and went over to see Alex, Micie and his mates when everyone else left at closing time. Alex and gang were intending to go to Boogie Lounge, and we all stood outside the SU for a little while. Jess and I decided it was bed time, and Jess hugged Alex. He got so involved in this hug, and then the man-rape with his mates that followed, that the didn't seem to notice when I left without saying anything.
I don't believe anything interesting happened last week until Boogie on Wednesday. I don't know. It was too long ago to remember. Proof I need to blog more often, clearly.
Anyway, Boogie Wednesday. It was also St. Patrick's day, so everyone was getting heavily pissed up. Sabrina, Hayley, Martin and I all sat in Hayley's room playing card games and getting a bit tipsy before we headed out. We went on chatroulette a little bit, which was relatively interesting. Got to Boogie, did lots of drinking and dancing and so on. The usual. Martin left really early because he was bored. Spent a bit of time with Hayley, Sabrina and Charlie, until Sabrina and Hayley decided to leave. Went for a bit of a dance with anyone I could find, then, and ended up getting my arse squeezed by Peachy. Alex turned up really late, he said he'd been working at the SU and only came to Boogie 'cause I'd texted him saying I wanted him to go. How sweet.
We talked at the bar for a bit, where he told me he was being really nice to Micie in order to blag free drinks off her. Hilarious. We danced a bit. Boogie finished and we went outside and talked for a while. He, once again, mentioned his baggage, but wouldn't tell me what it was. He said that he wanted to invite me back to his, but Micie had his coat and work stuff, so he had to wait for her, and he got pretty annoyed about that. There was a lot of kissing, obviously, and then he told me to go because he was getting worried about me walking home alone. So I left, and I walked up to Turkish, where I got a taxi back with Charlie.
I'd said I'd do some flyering for No Regrets on Thursday, so spent the majority of the day outside the racecourse giving flyers for tattoos to old men. It wasn't so bad, and I earnt myself £30. I walked to town and back 3 or 4 times that day, as well, and on top of the hangover from the night before, I was positively knackered by the time I got in. I was quite glad there was no Props that night, as I would've been so far from in the mood for it.
We went out filming on Friday morning, and the walk back from town only emphasised my leg pain from the previous day. I ate lunch and had the entire intention to nap and not move for the rest of the day. Just as I'd made myself a cup of coffee, Jess texted me and told me that she was in the SU with Alex and Micie getting drunk, and that I should go down there too. I did, and at first, I sat with Lou for a little while and had a good chat with him and Zoe. Zoe ended up basically raping Lou, so I went and sat with Jess instead. I got rather tipsy, despite it being about 3pm, and Alex was getting over-excited about the bets he'd placed on some horses - which earnt him £13. As the SU shut at 4pm, I called him over and he stood behind me, his face next to mine. I asked him when he'd be in the SU later, and he said he'd be there at about 8, and added that my boobs looked massive from that angle. He then gave me a kiss on the cheek, told me he'd see me later, and walked off. Then he came back, and asked me for a good luck kiss for the next race, so I kissed him on the cheek and he walked off. Jess and I had already agreed that we'd go to Nando's, and then to see Thrill Collins play in the Brewery so she could see Tristan, but what with Micie working at Boogie that night, I was desperate to see Alex alone. So we agreed we'd go to the SU instead, since she was supposed to be seeing Tristan on Saturday night anyway.
It turned out that Jess had to go flyering that night anyway, so she couldn't make it to the SU. This left me with two options: Go to the SU alone, or don't go at all. I wasn't going to miss out on seeing Alex without Micie, so I braved it alone. I bought myself a pint, talked to Cassie for a while, and then went to sit with Jason, Tim and their friend Sam. I spent most of the night sitting with them, though I did pop over and see Alex a few times, had a quick chat with Aaron at the bar, and sat with Hayley W and Amy for a little bit. As the SU was shutting, everyone left, bar those playing poker, and a few others - Kenresa, Sam BobbyB and his girlfriend Kat. I sort of dithered around with them for a little while, until we all left, and Alex, Sam and I went over to Cardew, where Amy said they'd be having a little party, of sorts. Nothing exciting was going on there, there was hardly anyone there. Alex said he was going out for a smoke, and I went out with him. He told me I should go to Boogie with him, Sam and Chaz, but I said I wasn't sure because I was tired. I went to kiss him, and he kind of avoided it and said he didn't want to hurt me. I told him he wouldn't hurt me, and after he kissed me, he said he'd explain it all to me.
He said that when he was a fresher, he had a girlfriend back home. She'd been cheating on him with about 10 other guys, but two weeks after he'd been here, she said she was pregnant. He told her that he wasn't prepared to have a baby, but she said she was having it anyway. They broke up, and she had the baby. He said he's seen the baby once, when it was dumped on his lap by someone else at a pub beer garden. He doesn't know if it's his, and he's getting a DNA test done to find out.
He then said that he got with Imogen a while after that, and things didn't quite work out because he dicked her around. He said that he doesn't trust women because of everything that's happened, and he sees all women as objects. He added that he doesn't want a relationship, and said once again, that he doesn't want to hurt me, and that's why he's been doing a few things to push me away. He said he still wants to be friends because I'm "fucking awesome", and told me to go home and sleep. Which I did, after bawling my eyes out for a long, long time.
He sent me a Facebook message on Saturday afternoon at about half 1, really awkwardly saying he hopes I'm okay and asking if we're still cool. I said of course we're cool, and asked if he wanted to come round when he was done in the library so we could talk things through when we weren't drunk. He said maybe, he had a lot of work to do. But he called me at about 4pm, saying he'd come up and we could have a quick chat. So he came round, and the first 10 minutes or so were really, really uncomfortable. We tried to talk about it, and he just said he was hesitant about anything happening between us in case he hurt me. He used the example of, what if he slept with me one week, and then slept with someone else the next? I simply said "But what if you don't hurt me?". He didn't have an answer for that. He then said that he's seeing a pattern with girls, in that Imogen didn't like Micie before anything was going on with Alex, and Micie didn't like me before anything happened between me and him, and that that must mean something bad. I said that it's more likely that Micie is the bad-news factor. He said she can't be, because everyone likes her, even Jess. I explained that she was supposed to be living with Jess next year, but Jess backed out because she couldn't stand the thought of being around Micie all the time. I told him about how everyone's said she's been bitching about me since September.
His response to this was to lie on my bed and say he's going to sleep. So he laid there with his eyes shut, and despite my attempts to move him, nothing worked. So I sat down beside him, and then he "woke up". I leaned down and kissed him, and he told me to think about it before I did that again. I just kissed him again. And there was lots of kissing, until I ended up on top of him and he had one hand on my arse. He complained that I'd decided to do this when he was "at his horniest". He said he needed to think about things, and that me kissing him was making it difficult. So I got off him, and he sat up. I sat next to him and he kind of leaned on me and held my hand, and I put my other arm around him and stroked his cheek. We sat like that for a minute or two, not saying a word. And then he got up, we hugged, and he left, saying he'd talk to me on Facebook.
My appetite left on Saturday morning, and it still hasn't come back entirely. I'm too nervous about the whole situation. It's not a bad thing, though; losing my appetite along with all the walking on Thursday is making me feel quite thin.
And that, on top of the text Peachy sent me last night, saying he'd love to see me naked - despite the fact that he has a girlfriend - is making me feel pretty good about myself. Which is exactly what I need, when the boy I've set my sights on is certain he wouldn't be happy only sexing me.
Ridiculous.

By keeping me around.