This isn't righteous, it's a mid-life crisis

It seems that I give this blog more attention when I'm in a bad mood.
Right now, I'm tired and lethargic. I have a lot of work to do, as well as a CV to write, and my laptop has developed an overheating problem, thus making work a lot more difficult to do.
Phil's having a mulled wine gathering at his house tonight. As in, we all sit about in his living room and drink mulled wine pointlessly for a few hours. As much as I would like to see everyone, I honestly can't be arsed to get from mum's house to the station, catch a train to Tile Hill and then walk to Phil's house in the arctic conditions outside. Especially since they're all coming round here tomorrow night. And I'm in a bad mood. And I'm yet to shower and I smell. Probably.
I've got low hopes for tomorrow evening. It's new year so I'm having a small gathering. Realistically, I want a party. But I don't have enough friends. There are six confirmed guests for tomorrow. One of them is me. I invited Dan but I don't think he's been online and I doubt he can be bothered to come up from Stansted for a lame gathering. I would invite Thomas but...I get the feeling he's avoiding me, and despite promising to see me over Christmas, he hasn't, because he's "busy". And he appears to have found himself a new lover. I would invite Martin and Chris and Stu and Hayley, but I think they won't get on with Kenton and the guys, and they've probably got something better to do, and they'll think it's lame.
I do miss the uni lot. I miss uni generally. I miss the campus and Cheltenham town and Boogie Lounge and getting drunk every Wednesday. I miss Martin and Hayley and Hana and Lou and everyone. Just over a week until I can see them again though. Looking forward to it. Looking forward to get away from home. Which is bizarre, considering I was glad to be away from uni before. But I miss them caring. I miss the lack of arguments. I miss chilling in Martin's room with a bottle of cider.
Facebook notified me this morning that Hayley and Martin are now "in a relationship". Which will actually make life hell for me when I get back, because I will be a lonely bean. And I won't be able to chill in Martin's room anymore because they'll always be at it like rabbits.
I hate couples. With a vengence. I want to stab them in the eyes for being so bloody happy. Screw being happy for them, they should have some decency and realise that I can't STAND seeing people all in love because I'm a bitter, horrid person.
GNFJHVBRUGHFDUIHGFDI.
I'm good at being in a bad mood.

I'm not compelled, you just convinced me to write this.

And,

Happy Birthday to Thomas Elliott, who is officially 19 years of age :)

Hair tossed and footing lost.

So, seeing everyone was fantastic. Apart from the fact that one certain person who invited themselves turned up, despite the fact that she's not friends with any of us. We ignored her sufficiently, though, and we believe she's learnt her lesson.
Anyway, Greenway was appreciative of his mini ping pong table, and Kenton had bought me a marvellous Henry hoover for my desk. My mum found this funny because I considered getting Greenway one of those. I'm yet to put batteries in it and try it out.
Had a bit of a catastrophe when it came to home time, because the train was delayed by about 45 minutes, so mummy had to come and get me and 6 of us had to squish into Andrew's VW Golf, because the boys were lovely enough to wait with me. Thankfully, really, since it was foggy enough that I could've been raped, and cold enough that no one would want to brave the weather to save me. Kenton was ever so pleased to see my mummy. As per.
It's Christmas on Friday. The air smells different when it's snowy and icy, so it smells like Christmas. That, teamed up with present wrapping and Nigella's Christmas Kitchen on TV, really puts the Christmas spirit in me. I'm looking forward to opening presents even though I know exactly what my mum and dad have got me, and I'll be quite honest - a printer is not the most glamourous present in the world. As Mr Ambrose said, it's practical.
It seems that there shall be New Year festivities at mummy's house this year, which is really quite marvellous and I'm very much looking forward to it. Just me, my boys and my girls, getting merry and shimmying the night away. Couldn't get much better.
After much thought, I'm very much glad to be at home. Aside from the fact that the sheer amount of food available will make me obese, there are certain people I'd rather spend time with. For example, it's nice to hang out with my little sisters all day than having to watch Martin and Hayley smooch each other constantly. It's nice to have Kenton text me to suggest we hang out, rather than Lou or Jon. Don't get me wrong, I miss those motherbitches an awful lot. But three months without my favourite people ever is far too much.

There's just one thing he'll forget to mention.

Everybody's starry eyed

I'm not particularly brilliant at this whole blogging business. I tend to...not post anything for months at a time.
It's nearly Christmas. About a week and a half ago, I came back home for the holidays. I went to the cinema with Kenton, Phil and Hayley last Monday, and tonight the whole gang is going to the Bricky's and we've got a bit of a Secret Santa sorted out, so I imagine it'll be a good night.
I'm so so glad to be away from everyone and everything at uni. Despite the fact I seem to be relatively popular with certain boys and various other groups of people, I'm aware of how much this attention is watering my ego tree. This is not a good thing. It is, in fact, a very bad thing. It means that I am twirling people around my little finger more than I usually do, and someone is consequently going to get hurt. So...I'm letting everyone simmer over Christmas. I have barely spoken to anyone and it's sort of wonderful.
Simmer down, love. It's Christmas. A time for giving. A time for living and loving.

Deep breaths!

Just ask the question, come untie the knot.

Once again, I have given myself a day off because I'm miserable.
Once again, I am miserable after a depressing night out.
Unfortunately, the presence of alcohol in my bloodstream just makes me notice even more how alone I am, and how no one is attracted to me. I've got that feeling that I'd feel even more alone in a room full of people.
I haven't seen Chris since Monday, and won't get to see him again until next Monday. I miss him, and I miss having someone to talk to. I sort of feel like something's missing.
A new person moved into his room on Tuesday. His name is Gavin and he's not been particularly sociable yet. He's always in his room with the door shut. Or out with his friends.
I phoned Thomas the other day, for the first time ever. It was pretty much the most rubbish phone call ever. Felt like he was just taking the piss. It's a shame that me and Thomas seem to have drifted apart, because we used to get on so well.
I need to go and hand in my assignment. And go down to the shop to buy milk and bread and stuff. I'm severely running out of food.
Me and Hana reckon we'll make a casserole on Sunday. She wants to put pumpkin in it to make it all Halloweeny. I suppose that's kind of interesting.

I'm far too aware of how alone I am.

Sweet dreams.

I'm ever so tired. And very drunk.
So, went on a night out, thoroughly enjoyed myself, didn't have a care in the world.
Came back, couldn't stop thinking about how Chris has left, and then to top it all off, Hayley fell asleep on Martin's shoulder, so Martin started like, rubbing his face on her hair in a really lovey way.
And Hana's shagging Arthur in her room.
And then there's me. And I've got no one.
I hate life.
I really, really fucking hate life.

At your best when I'm making baby steps

I've been at uni for nearly 4 weeks. Riley 104. Hana, Ellie, Martin, Me, Hayley, and Chris. In that order.
I was supposed to go in for lectures today, but I went out last night and suddenly started feeling all miserable after a few drinks. Consequently, I was too stressed to sleep last night, so I've woken up in a terrible mood, deprived of sleep. I want to go and sit with Martin but he knows I'm supposed to be in lectures and I feel a bit silly saying I didn't go to lectures because I'm in a bad mood.
I don't even know why I'm in a bad mood. I just feel really low. Really really low. And it makes me feel absolutely pathetic, all cooped up in my room. And I can't sleep. And I'm hungry but I don't want to eat.
I need someone to talk to. But there isn't anyone.
Chris said I can talk to him if I need him, but I think he only said that because I said I'm here for him if he needs me, and it seems silly to tell him I'm miserable for no reason when he's got homesickness. I just sound like a silly child.
I feel so horrendously ridiculous.