Sleeping secrets

Walking down a corridor with Jason Stackhouse. It's the type you get on the way to a sports field - wide, dark, the only light source being the mouth of the tunnel. He's wearing a grey t-shirt, a thin dark patch of sweat down the middle of his back. The rest of the team are behind him, with a few in front, and as I'm thinking how much I want to ravage him, he tells his team mates that he'll be out on the field in a moment. He stops beside me, takes my hand and leads me back the way we came, past some confused-looking young men. He's hurried, perhaps he was thinking what I was thinking. We get to a dark brown wooden door, where he tells me to go inside and change, and that he'll be waiting for me. He sits on the floor opposite the door, and Nathan Scott, clad in a white American football jersey, shoulder pads and all, sits beside him. I enter the room and shut the door, lock it with the bolt.
It's a changing room. The walls are painted a sickly custard-yellow, but stained with scratches and marks. There are wooden benches - the same wood as the door - with pegs, clothes and bags strewn here and there. There are three girls in the room, pretty, blonde, the sort that should be cheerleaders. They probably are. Slowly, carefully, I pull out a hunting knife, and swiftly but silently kill each girl, beginning with a stab to the stomach. I don't quite understand why they aren't screaming or fighting me off. A terrible mess is created as I cut their heads from their bodies, slitting across their waists and pulling out their organs - not entirely, just so that everything is dangling out. I wipe my hands down my jeans, brush at specks of blood on my top, discard the knife on the floor. Continue as if nothing had happened. I start sorting through a bag that appears to be mine. I pull out my favourite sheer black top that I usually wear for parties. I take off the top I was wearing, and throw on the new one. I take some pale blue cut-off shorts, my favourites, from my bag, lay them on the bench in front of me. It occurrs to me that it might be cold, and so I put some black leggings on first, and then the shorts over the top. I look at myself, without a mirror, convinced that I'm thinner than I usually am - specifically my thighs, which are the perfect size. I spend a good two or three minutes admiring my figure, posing, walking up and down the benches like a catwalk model.
Feeling good about myself, I step down from the wooden bench and walk to the door. I peer through the peep-hole, seeing Jason and Nathan sitting outside, their hair wet with sweat. The moment I do so, it occurrs to me that they can probably see my shadow over the peep-hole, and the changing room is in the most awful bloody mess. Sure enough, Nathan immediately points out that there is someone looking through the peep-hole, and both boys stand up and move towards the door. I panic. Suddenly the door isn't locked anymore, and the boys come barging through the door as if a crime has been committed. A crime has been committed. Their jaws drop as they feast their eyes on the scene - three bloody heads lines up on a bench, the three corresponding dismembered corpses in a heap in the shower, fountains of red covering each and every wall. And then there's me, neat and dressed up, a few tell-tale smears of blood on my hands and the offending knife at my feet.

And then I woke up.

But I believe in you so much

I'm very bored, and I'm rather tired. There is absolutely nothing to do, other than go out to Dakota, which I don't really fancy in the cold weather and snow. So...yeah, nothing to do.
Been back at uni for a good few days now. Just chilled, mostly. We all went to Revs on Saturday night, which was very drunken and rather fun. Couldn't really sleep particularly well afterwards. Couldn't sleep very well last night either. There were loads of people outside being loud and loitering, so I put my headphones in to distract from the noise, but by the time they'd shut up, it was far too quiet with my headphones off.
Texted Lou a bit on Saturday night. He implied kissing and various other things. I glazed past them in a very naive way, because I didn't really want to get into that conversation with him. I just...don't really know what to do about it. I don't really fancy him and I don't want to mess him around. But we get on so so well, and I really love spending time with him. Who knowssss.
I'm also having a silent mental breakdown because of Thomas Elliott. He won't talk to me, and I don't know why. I miss him. I bought "The Time Traveler's Wife" but I can't read it because it reminds me of him. Martin keeps watching BMX videos that make me feel a bit sick because they remind me of Thomas. I just don't know what to do. I've tried texting him and everything but I get no reply. I just feel a bit...disheartened.
I feel a bit disheartened by everything really.

I could die for the words that you say.

It's for the greater good

So I haven't posted anything in a week or so.
I didn't end up going to Phil's gathering. Seems I didn't miss much, other than Piers inviting himself to Phil's for new years. Thus, Phil was unable to make it to mine. It was a good night though, new years. Despite the small crowd (and I mean small, it was me, Kenton, Greenway, Alex, Hayley, Andrew, Amy and Kwong), we had fun. Started the night off with a fantastic game of Ring of Fire, which lead to us all shouting "IN MY PANTS" constantly, and me drinking the dirty pint, which was essentially just a mixture of various ciders. We were all rather drunk by the end of this. As usual, I was a tad miserable for the entire party. I couldn't help but think of how Thomas was neglecting me, and how my friends and I weren't all as close as we once were. Anyway, partying ensued and we had fireworks and there was lots of girly groping. Soon after, Kenton accidentally broke a teeny bit off my front tooth, though it's not at all noticable. We all had no sleep - except for Kenton who got rude words drawn on his head, Alex and Hayley who'd nabbed the third bedroom, and Kwong, to whom I donated my bed.
We took a lunchtime trip to Big John's the following day, and once everyone had left, I spent my day watching the History channel on the sofa. I did fall asleep very momentarily a few times, usually when my mum was in the middle of a sentence, so I often woke up and just said "Yes". I had a very nice sleep the night after though.
I wrote myself a to-do list a few days ago, and have so far crossed off 4 things: I have phoned Orange to sort out my phone, I have written a CV, I have sorted out my overdraft, and I have emailed the university maintainence people about my shower. I am yet to wash all my clothes, print off my CV, do my assignment and buy printer ink and contact lenses. Mummy said she'll sort out the contact lenses when I've got and post them over. I also need to sort out getting a wee hair snip before I go back because my fringe is horrendous.
I am actually counting down the days until I get to go back to uni. Friday isn't that far away.

'Cause I'd rather be great than good.

This isn't righteous, it's a mid-life crisis

It seems that I give this blog more attention when I'm in a bad mood.
Right now, I'm tired and lethargic. I have a lot of work to do, as well as a CV to write, and my laptop has developed an overheating problem, thus making work a lot more difficult to do.
Phil's having a mulled wine gathering at his house tonight. As in, we all sit about in his living room and drink mulled wine pointlessly for a few hours. As much as I would like to see everyone, I honestly can't be arsed to get from mum's house to the station, catch a train to Tile Hill and then walk to Phil's house in the arctic conditions outside. Especially since they're all coming round here tomorrow night. And I'm in a bad mood. And I'm yet to shower and I smell. Probably.
I've got low hopes for tomorrow evening. It's new year so I'm having a small gathering. Realistically, I want a party. But I don't have enough friends. There are six confirmed guests for tomorrow. One of them is me. I invited Dan but I don't think he's been online and I doubt he can be bothered to come up from Stansted for a lame gathering. I would invite Thomas but...I get the feeling he's avoiding me, and despite promising to see me over Christmas, he hasn't, because he's "busy". And he appears to have found himself a new lover. I would invite Martin and Chris and Stu and Hayley, but I think they won't get on with Kenton and the guys, and they've probably got something better to do, and they'll think it's lame.
I do miss the uni lot. I miss uni generally. I miss the campus and Cheltenham town and Boogie Lounge and getting drunk every Wednesday. I miss Martin and Hayley and Hana and Lou and everyone. Just over a week until I can see them again though. Looking forward to it. Looking forward to get away from home. Which is bizarre, considering I was glad to be away from uni before. But I miss them caring. I miss the lack of arguments. I miss chilling in Martin's room with a bottle of cider.
Facebook notified me this morning that Hayley and Martin are now "in a relationship". Which will actually make life hell for me when I get back, because I will be a lonely bean. And I won't be able to chill in Martin's room anymore because they'll always be at it like rabbits.
I hate couples. With a vengence. I want to stab them in the eyes for being so bloody happy. Screw being happy for them, they should have some decency and realise that I can't STAND seeing people all in love because I'm a bitter, horrid person.
GNFJHVBRUGHFDUIHGFDI.
I'm good at being in a bad mood.

I'm not compelled, you just convinced me to write this.

And,

Happy Birthday to Thomas Elliott, who is officially 19 years of age :)

Hair tossed and footing lost.

So, seeing everyone was fantastic. Apart from the fact that one certain person who invited themselves turned up, despite the fact that she's not friends with any of us. We ignored her sufficiently, though, and we believe she's learnt her lesson.
Anyway, Greenway was appreciative of his mini ping pong table, and Kenton had bought me a marvellous Henry hoover for my desk. My mum found this funny because I considered getting Greenway one of those. I'm yet to put batteries in it and try it out.
Had a bit of a catastrophe when it came to home time, because the train was delayed by about 45 minutes, so mummy had to come and get me and 6 of us had to squish into Andrew's VW Golf, because the boys were lovely enough to wait with me. Thankfully, really, since it was foggy enough that I could've been raped, and cold enough that no one would want to brave the weather to save me. Kenton was ever so pleased to see my mummy. As per.
It's Christmas on Friday. The air smells different when it's snowy and icy, so it smells like Christmas. That, teamed up with present wrapping and Nigella's Christmas Kitchen on TV, really puts the Christmas spirit in me. I'm looking forward to opening presents even though I know exactly what my mum and dad have got me, and I'll be quite honest - a printer is not the most glamourous present in the world. As Mr Ambrose said, it's practical.
It seems that there shall be New Year festivities at mummy's house this year, which is really quite marvellous and I'm very much looking forward to it. Just me, my boys and my girls, getting merry and shimmying the night away. Couldn't get much better.
After much thought, I'm very much glad to be at home. Aside from the fact that the sheer amount of food available will make me obese, there are certain people I'd rather spend time with. For example, it's nice to hang out with my little sisters all day than having to watch Martin and Hayley smooch each other constantly. It's nice to have Kenton text me to suggest we hang out, rather than Lou or Jon. Don't get me wrong, I miss those motherbitches an awful lot. But three months without my favourite people ever is far too much.

There's just one thing he'll forget to mention.

Everybody's starry eyed

I'm not particularly brilliant at this whole blogging business. I tend to...not post anything for months at a time.
It's nearly Christmas. About a week and a half ago, I came back home for the holidays. I went to the cinema with Kenton, Phil and Hayley last Monday, and tonight the whole gang is going to the Bricky's and we've got a bit of a Secret Santa sorted out, so I imagine it'll be a good night.
I'm so so glad to be away from everyone and everything at uni. Despite the fact I seem to be relatively popular with certain boys and various other groups of people, I'm aware of how much this attention is watering my ego tree. This is not a good thing. It is, in fact, a very bad thing. It means that I am twirling people around my little finger more than I usually do, and someone is consequently going to get hurt. So...I'm letting everyone simmer over Christmas. I have barely spoken to anyone and it's sort of wonderful.
Simmer down, love. It's Christmas. A time for giving. A time for living and loving.

Deep breaths!