Until then, you can run away

Adding to the fact no one is home and I'm ill, my external hard drive has decided to give up. After much fighting with it, the netbook seemed certain that there are, in fact, no files on the external hard drive. That would mean approximately 100GB of music, television and film had just vanished, just like that. I phoned daddy and he said to unplug it, leave it alone for a bit, and try to transfer everything over to the laptop's hard drive when I finally get my laptop back. That is, if the external hard drive agrees to work, if even for a little while. Daddy said he'll pay for a new external hard drive, but a better one. One that doesn't have a big, whirring, breaking fan inside it. I am hoping and praying that there's some saving all that stuff, because I will actually have a mental breakdown if it's gone forever.
To make matters worse, it's valentine's day soon, and Martin's planned this big fancy meal and a night in a hotel for Hayley, and Jase is taking Hana out for a meal. And Martin told Hayley he loves her last night.
And then the question mark key fell off the keyboard and I had to spend a good five minutes re-attaching it.
Nothing is even trying to make me happy right now. I don't even know what I've done to deserve all this from the world.

Do your best to hide your face.

Across the room, across the room

Hello, Friday afternoon. Unfortunately, I am being boring and doing nothing, as per usual. I suppose it's a bit more justified this weekend though, since I appear to have caught some kind of cold, and thus am coughing my guts up. Not so much fun.
Once again, Hayley and Martin have gone to stay round at Hayley's house. It's Hayley's best friend's birthday, so they're going to Gatecrasher tonight to celebrate. They won't be back here til Sunday. So it's just me and Hana, again. I don't even have any work to do or anything, so I will die of illness and boredom.
I applied for a couple of jobs the other day. I am prayyyying that someone hires me, because I really could do with the money. Only time will tell, I suppose.
Boogie Wednesday was good, as usual. Hayley was ill, so she stayed home and Martin stayed with her. Hana stayed home as well, because she wanted to save her money. So I went with Laura and a bunch of her friends instead. It was good fun, I got rather drunk. I almost prefer going out with them, in a way, because they dance like girls and enjoy a bit of partying, whereas Martin and Hayley tend to try to look cool, and thus laugh at me when I actually dance. Which isn't very nice really. Laura's friend Tom saw his friend Archie, who seemed to take a liking to me. Apperently, he pointed me out very early on. He kept trying to dance with me and stuff, asked me who I am and what course I'm doing and so on. He was definitely not my type though, as he looked slightly like a German porn star. As in, he was blonde and quite...fit, in a muscular way. He was attractive, I won't lie, but he just really wasn't my type. I didn't lead him on though, I made it obvious that I wasn't interested, but I am told he was "really gutted" when I danced with Arwel instead. The dancing with Arwel thing was a bit weird, actually. I'd found his facebook about a week ago, and it says he has a girlfriend, so I pretty much figured I'd carry on flirting but leave it at that, because I'm no slag. But, I danced with him a little bit, and he held my hand, like, properly held my hand. And he kept squeezing my arse. And then, later on, when I told him I was leaving, he kissed me. Twice. It was only a little peck, but it was on my lips nonetheless. And then he said he'll see me next week. Which he will.
I saw Lou at Boogie, as well. Just gave him a bit of a hug, and a quick kiss on the cheek before I left. Saw Jack F, but didn't do the usual bum-groping routine, instead I just talked to him briefly, and he told me he's quit smoking and is finding it quite difficult. I told him he'll be fine. Cotton was about, very drunk. He smelt lovely, so I told him that, and he stuck his neck up so I could have a proper good sniff. It was very funny, but me and Laura then talked for a bit about how adorable he is. That was pretty much it, though. No thrilling Boogie antics.
Just remembered, though, that Laura and I saw Mark in the SU a couple of nights before that, and he took his hoodie off to play pool. He never ever takes his hoodie off, but underneath, he was wearing a relatively tight t-shirt. We were quite shocked to see how buff he actually is. I could hardly stop myself staring at his arms. I may have actually said "Phwoar".

I hope to watch you writhe again soon.

It's nine in the afternoon.

So I went to town today with Laura and Kris, bought some shoes, some food, various bits and bobs in Boots. Got my tattoo touched up as well, so it's looking all fresh and sexy. For now. Laura told me today that I'm like a female Michael McIntyre. I was very pleased to hear this, and when I repeated this information to Lou, he agreed. Go me.
Hayley and Martin have gone back to Hayley's for the night - she wanted to take her car back home and he went with her. So it was just Hana about, and she'd got Erin round. They persuaded me to go to the SU with them for a little bit, which I did. It was very empty, but we sat and had one drink and then came back. They went straight into Hana's room and watched Russell Brand, so I went into my room and sort of...cleaned up a bit. Lou had said he might pop up to see me, so I wanted to make sure he had somewhere to sit and that. Of course, British weather being what it is, it rained enough that he didn't want to come round. Entirely reasonable. Shame though.
Maxine from upstairs (who I have never spoken to in my life) informed me that she was having a flat party and that I should go. I considered it, but decided against it because I can't be bothered. It got to about half 10 and I was absolutely knackered and figured I'd go to bed. But sure enough, everyone decided to run up to Maxine's and be noisy and put on loud music at 11, so now there is absolutely no chance of me getting any sleep until quite late. I officially hate them all for this.
I wish Lou had come round. Company would've been good.

Your eyes are the size of the moon.

Watch you spin around in your highest heels

Went to Revs with a few of the girls in my class on Tuesday. We had fun. We got rather drunk off various cocktails and got very over-excited with the candles and boxes of matches. And then we set some straws on fire and choked on the melting plastic smell. Young arsonists. It had started snowing while we were in there, and was still snowing as we left, so we threw snowballs at each other and tried our hardest not to fall over. When we got back to campus, we made a "snow devil" in the courtyard and wrote a handful of very immature words in the snow. My toes were terribly numb.
Went to Boogie Lounge yesterday. First Boogie of the new year, and my goddd, I'd missed it. I was very very drunk. Very. Sabrina said, when we'd first got there, that I should try to go the whole night without talking to any guys. I argued that I'm friends with all the guys I smooch, so it'd be harsh to ignore them. Surely enough, as I was explaining this, various young men walked past, put their hands on my hips and said hello. Including the Welsh boy who bought me a drink in Propaganda, and Aaron (who I thought was still getting jiggy with Jodie, but Hayley says that's over). And, surprisingly enough, Dean, who I don't believe I've ever had a conversation with, but I did tell him he was attractive at the first ever Boogie I went to. He asked me how I was. I found this amusing. Got funny faces pulled at me by Jack F, talked to Richard briefly, got my arse pinched by Jon, the usual routine with Mark. I also spoke to my adorable little barman, who asked me how my Christmas was and flashed me a wink when he gave me my change. Really rather fancy him. Only saw Lou as I was dashing off to the toilets, so I didn't actually get the chance to talk to him. This annoyed me. Had a short conversation with Robbie, though I was too drunk to remember what was said. I do recall him asking how one dances to La Roux, and then I took his hat off for the purpose of styling his hair just like La Roux. Silly gingers. He walked off so I joined Sabrina and Hayley on the dancefloor. Dancing ensued. They played Don't Stop Believin' by Journey, to which everyone was singing along. It was like something off a film. Epic.
Just before Boogie closed, I spotted Jack by the bar and ran over to say hello. He was in the middle of getting a drink, so he said hello, and then put his arm around me. He left his arm there for a good 30 seconds, round my waist, whilst he was sorting out his drink and everything. I am attracted to Jack, he's a funny guy, and there's something terribly sexy about the fact that he's a bit of a whore when he's single. And that's exactly what I talked to him about - the fact that Louis had told me that all he could ever hear from Jack's room was sex noises. He was outraged, but said he'd heard sex noises from Louis' room as well, and they always congratulated each other. Men. Jack bought me a shot, without me asking him to, and held my hand for a reasonable amount of this conversation. I felt a tad guilty, because he does have a long-distance girlfriend, but a little hand-holding is innocent enough. Sabrina disagreed and gave me somewhat of a talking to on the way back. Soon after this conversation, Sabrina came over and told me we were leaving. I protested because I never get to see Jack, and was having a nice conversation, but she didn't care. Jack promised to see me again soon, and I left. After smiling at my adorable barman.
The lady doing all the cloakroom stuff had managed to somehow drop my coat - and only my coat - on the floor, and thus it took us a very long time to find it. I shouted at her a little bit, which I feel bad for, but I was rather drunk, and I wholly intend to apologise when I see her next.
When we got back, it took me a while to fall asleep because the room span every time I closed my eyes. So I had to sober up somewhat before I could sleep. I think it was about 5am by the time I managed to get some shut eye. Then I slept until midday. Sillyyyyyy.
All in all, good night. Definitely a good night. And I didn't smooch anyone.

You are the best one, of the best ones.

Sleeping secrets

Walking down a corridor with Jason Stackhouse. It's the type you get on the way to a sports field - wide, dark, the only light source being the mouth of the tunnel. He's wearing a grey t-shirt, a thin dark patch of sweat down the middle of his back. The rest of the team are behind him, with a few in front, and as I'm thinking how much I want to ravage him, he tells his team mates that he'll be out on the field in a moment. He stops beside me, takes my hand and leads me back the way we came, past some confused-looking young men. He's hurried, perhaps he was thinking what I was thinking. We get to a dark brown wooden door, where he tells me to go inside and change, and that he'll be waiting for me. He sits on the floor opposite the door, and Nathan Scott, clad in a white American football jersey, shoulder pads and all, sits beside him. I enter the room and shut the door, lock it with the bolt.
It's a changing room. The walls are painted a sickly custard-yellow, but stained with scratches and marks. There are wooden benches - the same wood as the door - with pegs, clothes and bags strewn here and there. There are three girls in the room, pretty, blonde, the sort that should be cheerleaders. They probably are. Slowly, carefully, I pull out a hunting knife, and swiftly but silently kill each girl, beginning with a stab to the stomach. I don't quite understand why they aren't screaming or fighting me off. A terrible mess is created as I cut their heads from their bodies, slitting across their waists and pulling out their organs - not entirely, just so that everything is dangling out. I wipe my hands down my jeans, brush at specks of blood on my top, discard the knife on the floor. Continue as if nothing had happened. I start sorting through a bag that appears to be mine. I pull out my favourite sheer black top that I usually wear for parties. I take off the top I was wearing, and throw on the new one. I take some pale blue cut-off shorts, my favourites, from my bag, lay them on the bench in front of me. It occurrs to me that it might be cold, and so I put some black leggings on first, and then the shorts over the top. I look at myself, without a mirror, convinced that I'm thinner than I usually am - specifically my thighs, which are the perfect size. I spend a good two or three minutes admiring my figure, posing, walking up and down the benches like a catwalk model.
Feeling good about myself, I step down from the wooden bench and walk to the door. I peer through the peep-hole, seeing Jason and Nathan sitting outside, their hair wet with sweat. The moment I do so, it occurrs to me that they can probably see my shadow over the peep-hole, and the changing room is in the most awful bloody mess. Sure enough, Nathan immediately points out that there is someone looking through the peep-hole, and both boys stand up and move towards the door. I panic. Suddenly the door isn't locked anymore, and the boys come barging through the door as if a crime has been committed. A crime has been committed. Their jaws drop as they feast their eyes on the scene - three bloody heads lines up on a bench, the three corresponding dismembered corpses in a heap in the shower, fountains of red covering each and every wall. And then there's me, neat and dressed up, a few tell-tale smears of blood on my hands and the offending knife at my feet.

And then I woke up.

But I believe in you so much

I'm very bored, and I'm rather tired. There is absolutely nothing to do, other than go out to Dakota, which I don't really fancy in the cold weather and snow. So...yeah, nothing to do.
Been back at uni for a good few days now. Just chilled, mostly. We all went to Revs on Saturday night, which was very drunken and rather fun. Couldn't really sleep particularly well afterwards. Couldn't sleep very well last night either. There were loads of people outside being loud and loitering, so I put my headphones in to distract from the noise, but by the time they'd shut up, it was far too quiet with my headphones off.
Texted Lou a bit on Saturday night. He implied kissing and various other things. I glazed past them in a very naive way, because I didn't really want to get into that conversation with him. I just...don't really know what to do about it. I don't really fancy him and I don't want to mess him around. But we get on so so well, and I really love spending time with him. Who knowssss.
I'm also having a silent mental breakdown because of Thomas Elliott. He won't talk to me, and I don't know why. I miss him. I bought "The Time Traveler's Wife" but I can't read it because it reminds me of him. Martin keeps watching BMX videos that make me feel a bit sick because they remind me of Thomas. I just don't know what to do. I've tried texting him and everything but I get no reply. I just feel a bit...disheartened.
I feel a bit disheartened by everything really.

I could die for the words that you say.

It's for the greater good

So I haven't posted anything in a week or so.
I didn't end up going to Phil's gathering. Seems I didn't miss much, other than Piers inviting himself to Phil's for new years. Thus, Phil was unable to make it to mine. It was a good night though, new years. Despite the small crowd (and I mean small, it was me, Kenton, Greenway, Alex, Hayley, Andrew, Amy and Kwong), we had fun. Started the night off with a fantastic game of Ring of Fire, which lead to us all shouting "IN MY PANTS" constantly, and me drinking the dirty pint, which was essentially just a mixture of various ciders. We were all rather drunk by the end of this. As usual, I was a tad miserable for the entire party. I couldn't help but think of how Thomas was neglecting me, and how my friends and I weren't all as close as we once were. Anyway, partying ensued and we had fireworks and there was lots of girly groping. Soon after, Kenton accidentally broke a teeny bit off my front tooth, though it's not at all noticable. We all had no sleep - except for Kenton who got rude words drawn on his head, Alex and Hayley who'd nabbed the third bedroom, and Kwong, to whom I donated my bed.
We took a lunchtime trip to Big John's the following day, and once everyone had left, I spent my day watching the History channel on the sofa. I did fall asleep very momentarily a few times, usually when my mum was in the middle of a sentence, so I often woke up and just said "Yes". I had a very nice sleep the night after though.
I wrote myself a to-do list a few days ago, and have so far crossed off 4 things: I have phoned Orange to sort out my phone, I have written a CV, I have sorted out my overdraft, and I have emailed the university maintainence people about my shower. I am yet to wash all my clothes, print off my CV, do my assignment and buy printer ink and contact lenses. Mummy said she'll sort out the contact lenses when I've got and post them over. I also need to sort out getting a wee hair snip before I go back because my fringe is horrendous.
I am actually counting down the days until I get to go back to uni. Friday isn't that far away.

'Cause I'd rather be great than good.